The Things That We Remember
by I-Can-Spell-Confusion-With-A-K
Summary: Do we really believe Jess didn't see Becker get shot at the end of episode 7? This is what comes after. There are things Becker and Jess would like to forget but more important are the things they choose to remember.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Later she wouldn't remember much. It was all a blur of terror and "this can't be happening", and "he has to be ok" pounding through her head. When she tried to remember what had happened it was like she was watching the whole thing on a grainy CCTV feed with only certain moments that she could bring into focus.

She could see Ethan emerging from the interrogation room, feel the rounded panic button beneath her hand, hear the discharge of the EMD in her earpiece as Becker took the first hit.

She wasn't sure if she'd actually seen Ethan shoot him the second time or if she had such a clear mental image of it because she'd read the report so many times. She thought there was a good chance that she might have already been out of her chair and on her way to corridor five by that time but she wasn't sure.

The next thing she remembers is being sprawled on the floor next to Becker's prone form. She has blood on her hands and she doesn't know where it came from. She assumes later she'd tried to cradle his head and disturbed the wound where he had hit the wall. She is amazed by how Becker's hair hardly seems mussed, how his hand is still wrapped around the strap of his EMD, how his protective vest was still locked securely in place. It looked like he could get up at any time and Jess vaguely thought she might hear herself begging him to do just that.

Her next flash of memory is being forcibly dragged away from Becker, fighting every step of the way. She doesn't know the names of the soldiers who are pulling her backwards down the hallway, she only knows they are taking her away from Becker when he needs her.

She stops fighting when they deposit her in a room and leave her alone. She doesn't know how long she sat there before Lester showed up. It felt like hours but was likely only a few minutes.

He pulled a chair up to sit across from her, the look on his face more cautious and concerned than she ever remembers seeing him.

"Are you alright?" He asked, nodding towards her torso.

Jess was confused until she glanced down and saw the blood smeared down her yellow dress. She must have been wiping her hands on the fabric without realizing it.

"It's not mine," She'd muttered. "Becker, is he…"

"He's alive," Lester informed her briskly. "He's on his way to the hospital, we'll call you as soon as we know something."

"I have to go with him," Jess tried to stand, but Lester stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. She was surprised at how strong he was.

"I'm having someone drive you home," Lester insisted.

Jess didn't recall arguing this point with him, but she must have done so fairly convincingly or else Lester was an even bigger softie than she'd previously believed, because the next thing she remembered was waking up in Becker's hospital room.

Jess woke up violently, nearly tipping over the chair she was perched on before a hand steadied her from behind. Her eyes followed the hand on her shoulder until it met an arm and eventually a face that she recognized as Matt.

"Steady there," He offered gently, patting her shoulder a little bit. "You're ok."

Jess took a deep breath. She was a mess and there was no point denying it. However, a large part of her was ruled by habit, the habit she'd cultivated to keep from being discounted immediately for being a girl, and perky, and young. That part of her was adamant that just as there was no point denying she was a mess, neither was there a point volunteering the information either.

"Of course I'm ok," She told him, limiting the tremble in her voice as much as possible.

To his credit Matt merely nodded rather than challenging her rather feeble assertion and Jess took the opportunity to take in her surroundings. The first thing she noticed was that the chair she was sitting on had been pulled directly up to the side of the bed in the center of the room. She'd clearly been resting her head on the edge of the bed while she slept, mere centimeters away from the leg shaped bumps under the blanket. She studiously avoided looking up at the face of the bed's occupant instead sweeping her gaze across to the opposite side of the room where a tired and sympathetic looking Abby was leaning against the wall.

"Welcome back Jess," Abby said with what might have been meant to be a smile but in actuality came out looking more like a grimace.

"Where's everyone else?" Jess asked, her eyes fixed firmly on the blanket covering the legs in the bed rather than anywhere else.

"Lester's briefing the Minister," Abby answered, her tone taking on harshness as she went on. "And Connor is missing in action as usual. I've left him messages. I think he's gone off somewhere with Phillip."

Jess just nodded, realizing she'd run out of things to ask and safe places to look. Steeling herself she allowed her eyes to rest the one place they most wanted and yet dreaded to be.

Becker's face was pale and stiller than she'd ever seen it. Even when he was standing still Becker usually had a sense of coiled energy emanating from him and its absence nearly knocked the breath out of Jess's lungs. He had an oxygen tube in his nose and an IV needle in his arm keeping him tethered to his surroundings. Jess had to fight the impulse to tear all the tubes and cords away from him, as if simply freeing him from those would allow him to sit up and walk away.

She could hear Abby explaining, or rather reminding her about Becker's condition. It seemed that she'd already been told all of this before she'd fallen asleep but Abby seemed aware of the fact that the information hadn't really sunk in. Eventually she seemed to become aware though that Jess still couldn't really understand the words that were washing over her like a wave as she stared at Becker's face.

"Jess?" Abby interrupted softly. "Are you getting any of this? The doctor briefed us earlier but you were…"

She paused and her eyes lingered on Jess's torso. Jess glanced down and noticed for the first time that she was still wearing her bloodstained dress.

"Distraught," Abby finished finally, clearing her throat to fill the silence as she waited for Jess's response.

"Not really," Jess admitted, reaching out one hand as if to rest it on Becker's, which was visible on top of the blanket. Changing her mind at the last minute Jess laced her own fingers together instead, twisting them anxiously as she looked back up to meet Abby's eyes.

"Well, you can ask him when he comes back if you want more specifics but the gist of it is he took a powerful electric shock and gave himself a nasty concussion and a few broken ribs to top it off when he hit the wall," Abby informed her in the same nearly clinical tone she used when dealing with a sick creature in the menagerie.

"But is he going to be ok?" Jess demanded, vaguely self-conscious about the way the desperation in her voice was raw and obvious.

"Odds are he'll wake up in the next few hours back to his pain in the arse self," Matt answered, coming around to stand beside Jess's chair. "The doctor said his body's just giving itself a little time to heal."

"And if he doesn't wake up in the next few hours?" Jess insisted.

"Then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Matt said firmly, placing what he probably hoped was a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Ok," Jess tried to muster up a semblance of her normal tone. "I'm going to go freshen up a bit."

"Take your time," Matt said, kindly not pointing out the ridiculousness in attempting to freshen up when you were wearing a designer dressed streaked with blood and dirt and God knows what else.

Jess hurried down to the loo trying to ignore the strange looks she was getting from everyone she passed in the hall. They probably thought she had murdered someone but Jess couldn't be bothered with perceptions regarding her lack of sanity at the moment. Once she felt like she had reached a setting of relative privacy she splashed water on her face, briefly examined her drawn and pale reflection in the mirror, and then allowed herself a couple good minutes of pacing.

She wasn't sure exactly when Captain Hilary Becker's wellbeing had gotten so inexplicably tied up with hers, but the thought that he might not be ok left her feeling sick to her stomach. It had started out as a crush, a fun, manageable crush that made her days at work more enjoyable but hardly interfered with her job or her ability to sleep or anything trite like that. Now here she was, dressed like a mass murderer, pacing in front of a row of toilets and swearing up and down to a God she didn't really believe in any number of promises if that man would just wake up and get better. All of this for someone who probably thought of her as an annoying little sister, or at best a friend. Jess shook her head and glanced back at her reflection. It didn't matter how he felt about her. What mattered was that she _knew_ she loved him. Jess had always been the type to be certain of herself, her abilities and her feelings. It was this sense of certainty that had allowed her to work confidentially among her older colleagues and diffuse a bomb when multiple lives depended on it and it was this same certainty that told her she was in love with Hilary Becker.

When Jess made her way back to Becker's room she paused outside the door in attempt to steel her nerves to once again see Becker so still and helpless. That had been her only intention when she stopped outside the door but as soon as she did Matt and Abby's voices drifted out and their words hit her like a punch in her gut.

"He's got no chance, he's a goner," Abby snapped, the emotion in her voice clear. "And I for one can't just keep pretending everything's ok."

"Abby…" Matt trailed off, seemingly reluctant to take up the avenue of discussion Abby had apparently already led them down.

"Forget it," She sighed tiredly and Jess leaned her forehead against the wall to the left of the door trying to stop the world from swaying dangerously in her field of vision. "Let's focus on Jess, shall we? She needs to go home and get some rest."

"She won't leave him," Matt replied as though the point weren't even up for debate.

"I understand how she feels, but Matt they pulled her away from him screaming, covered in his blood…" Abby's voice trailed off for a moment. "She doesn't need to see this. We have to at least try to get her to go home for a while and personally if she does I'm not calling her unless the worst happens. If she doesn't get out here and get some rest soon there might not be much of the Jess we know left. Do you really want her to end up as jaded as the rest of us?"

"I don't disagree but I won't force her," Matt answered as flatly as ever. Jess wondered if the man ever raised his voice about anything.

She straightened up slowly backing away from the doorway before turning and walking quickly down the hall. She could feel a rising uncontrollable panic threatening to over take her as Abby's words played over and over in her mind.

_He's got no chance…he's a goner…not calling her unless the worst happens._

Jess couldn't even live up to Matt's faith in her loyalty, couldn't even live up to her own promise not to leave him when Ethan's bomb was threatening to explode. She could easily commit to the idea of giving up her life alongside his if they were both going out at the same time trying to save one another. She couldn't stand by and watch the life drain out of him slowly until she was left alone, she just couldn't. Instead she reached a shaking hand into the pocket of her dress, pulled out her phone and fired off a quick text to Abby saying she'd decided to leave and get some rest. Then she called a cab knowing full well she wasn't going back to her own flat. There was only one place she could even contemplate maintaining the ability to breathe at the moment and so that's where she was going.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Becker woke up almost exactly three hours after Jess left the hospital. He didn't know this of course, all he knew was that if he was expecting to wake up with a certain lovely, young field coordinator holding his hand he was sorely disappointed. Instead he got Connor and Abby perched in chairs on opposite sides of the room and Matt standing next to his bed smirking down at him.

"There he is," Matt said in a tone that could have been genuinely happy though it was hard to tell with him. "Back to testify to the effectiveness of the EMDS again, are you?"

"They could use some work," Becker managed to choke out through a throat that felt like sandpaper. He saw Abby already moving to bring him some water as Connor came round to stand beside Matt. "Can't say I'm not glad though seeing as I'm still here and all."

"It's a relief to us as well, mate," Connor told him happily as Abby held a cup with a straw up to Becker's lips helping him get a drink.

As soon as Becker had quenched his thirst and felt able to speak again he wasted no time in asking one of the many questions he wanted answered.

"Where's Ethan?" He asked hoping the answer was locked up with the mammoth.

"He escaped through an anomaly. Danny went after him," Matt answered.

"You let him escape, Anderson?" Becker demanded nearly sending himself into a coughing fit.

"What did I tell you," Matt looked over at Abby in an exasperated manner, but there was a smile threatening to break out on his face. "Right back to his pain in the arse self."

At this point several nurses bustled in to look Becker over and check his vitals. Everything was looking remarkably good and they thought that with his ribs wrapped, some pills for the pain and strict orders to rest for the next few days the Doctor would be willing to discharge him.

Everyone congratulated Becker on the news and Abby pulled out her cell phone to call Lester and Jess.

"I thought you weren't going to call Jess unless the worst happened," Matt questioned knowingly, well aware that Jess would never forgive them if they denied her the opportunity to see Becker awake and well.

"I say a lot of things I don't necessarily mean," Abby retorted, glaring at Connor. "For instance I also said Connor was a goner because I was going to murder him, however after further reflection I've decided I don't really fancy time behind bars."

"Come on Abby, I said I was sorry," Connor pleaded. "I didn't realize what was going on. As soon as I got your messages I came straight here."

Abby studiously ignored Connor's attempts to placate her and continued with her phone calls.

"Jess's phone went to voicemail," She informed her friends after snapping her phone shut. "Let's hope that means she's getting some rest."

"Is Jess alright?" Becker winced and it was hard to tell if it was at the idea of Jess in distress or the pain in his ribs as a nurse wound cloth around his midsection.

Abby and Matt exchanged a look that wasn't lost on Becker. His heart clenched painfully in a way he'd like to believe was related to his injuries but was clearly more related to his need to keep Jess Parker healthy and happy, a need that kept him up more sleepless nights than he'd like to admit.

"She's fine," Matt assured him quickly. "Just tired and worried about you."

"She saw Ethan shoot you on the ADD," Abby added solemnly. "She was the first one to get to you and you were in a bad way. Even when the medics got there she didn't want to leave you, some of your men had to forcibly remove her. She was here earlier but she left to get some rest."

Becker swallowed hard, the image of his brave little Jess who looked like she weighed less than his favorite gun giving a whole team of his soldiers a run for their money was all too believable.

"Maybe we should just let him get his feet back under him before we tell him all this," Connor offered only to go silent at Abby's withering look.

"Why, so it can take him three years to tell her how he feels?" Abby snapped before turning her attention back to Becker. "Don't be an idiot Becker, you know how Jess feels about you."

Becker could feel himself blushing but insisted mentally on putting it down as a reaction to his medication. Blushing was not really a response compatible with the stoic soldier demeanor he tried so hard to cultivate.

"And I reckon you know how you feel too," Abby went on. "And if you don't let her in on it than you're not as great a guy as I thought you were."

"Let the man, breath for a mo, Abby!" Connor broke in at this point.

Abby and Connor continued to bicker as the nurses finished wrapping Becker's ribs.

"Hey Matt, let me borrow your phone," Becker was going for nonchalant but aware that he was failing miserably.

Still to Matt's credit he handed over his cell without comment and didn't so much as raise an eyebrow when Becker clearly reached a certain field coordinator's voicemail.

"Still not answering," Becker muttered, trying to fight down the unreasonable surge of concern that was making it hard for him to focus on anything else. He knew the team would have told him if Ethan had hurt her in some way but needed to see Jess to convince himself of her wellbeing. "How long ago did she leave?"

Matt glanced at his watch and gave Becker Jess's approximate time of departure. Becker knew in all likelihood that Jess was simply asleep in order to recover from the day's events but he just couldn't shake the feeling that Jess would be right here beside him if nothing were wrong.

"Abby, Connor," He interrupted them mid argument and from the looks on their faces it almost appeared that they had forgotten anyone else was in the room. "Could you guys do me a favor? Go home and just check that Jess is ok."

If anyone in the room had an opinion on Becker's concern for Jess they had enough tact not to voice it to him.

"Of course," Abby answered. "You go on home and we'll call you as soon as we know anything."

"I'm going back to the ARC," Becker was shaking his head before Abby had even finished her sentence. "I need to figure out how the hell Ethan managed to escape and start rectifying our security breach immediately."

There was a lot of head shaking at that statement but no one was stupid enough to try to talk Becker out of it beyond Connor's muttered observation that Lester wouldn't be happy.

"Not being happy makes Lester happy," Becker grunted as he forced a t-shirt Matt had handed him over his head and his injured ribs. "And I for one am not about to deny him his joy in life."

Twenty minutes later Becker was sitting in front of a laptop in the main operations room of the ARC reviewing CCTV feed of Ethan's escape. He gritted his teeth as he saw Ethan snatching an EMD from the soldier in the interrogation room. He would have to review the importance of vigilance with his men yet again. Just because you're used to dealing with dinosaurs doesn't mean a man isn't a threat to you.

"I'm not happy about this," Lester's dry voice reached Becker's ears from somewhere behind him but he didn't turn around.

"The fact that a known murderer snatched one our own weapons, broke himself out of our supposedly highly secure building, and is now on the loose in God's know what time period?" Becker answered just as flatly, keying a few frames ahead on the recording. "Frankly, I'm not thrilled about it either, sir."

"Well, yes there is that," Lester seemed even more annoyed now as though he had already forgotten about the events earlier in the day. "However, I was referring to my head of security nearly getting himself killed trying to be a hero and then refusing to take medical leave."

"I'm fine," Becker answered simply his eyes still trained on the screen before him.

"Yes, well that's lovely. Funnily enough that call's not at your discretion, you're a lawsuit waiting to happen," Lester replied briskly.

Becker hid a smile. He knew Lester had been worried and was glad he was ok. That didn't mean he was going to stop being Lester. He was saved from having to reply when Connor and Abby entered the room.

He noticed instantly that they both wore concerned expressions making his stomach clench painfully. He didn't even bother waiting for them to reach him but was out of his seat and meeting them halfway before anyone could stop him. He ignored the painful pins and needles that rushed through every inch of his body with each step he took and concentrated on the task of reaching Abby who was a half-step closer than Connor.

"Jess?" He demanded as soon as he had reached her, lacking the energy for a more specific inquiry.

"She's not at the flat," Abby informed him gently putting her arm under his as though she expected to have to catch him at any moment. Becker promptly shook her off trying to process what she was saying.

"She told you she was going home," He had to lay out the facts as he knew them.

"Her text just said she was leaving for a while to get some rest and clear her head, we assumed she meant she was going back there," Abby corrected.

"As far as we can tell she hasn't been there," Connor offered, concern clear on his face as well.

"How do you know?" Becker wanted facts, facts he could deal with.

"None of her stuff was there," Abby answered. "I checked when I got back here and her purse and coat are still where she left them this morning. Her phone's not there though and she usually carried some cash on her so she could have called a cab and gone anywhere. We've been calling but she isn't picking up."

"Keep trying," Becker instructed, spinning around marching back towards his original seat only to turn and change direction again. His body was screaming in protest but pacing seemed to be his only option. "We're sure Ethan went through an anomaly? There's no chance he could have something to do with this?"

"Emily saw him go through," Matt answered, always the calmest voice in the room. "Danny went after him, like I said. The anomaly's closed so unless he found another one his involvement is unlikely."

"If you're going to be here, can you at least sit down before you collapse?" Lester inquired.

Becker practically growled in annoyance but shuffled over to the chair and sat down hard, running his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture he thought he'd abandoned well before he ever came to the ARC.

"Splendid, that's much better…oh, and he's up again," Lester sighed as Becker practically launched himself from his seat.

"Connor," Becker bellowed forcing his screaming muscles to carry him towards the ADD in the center of the room, fighting down the feelings Jess's empty seat evoked in him.

"What is it, mate?" Connor asked jogging up beside him just as he reached the detector.

"Sit," Becker demanded leaving no room for argument. Once Connor was seated he braced himself on the back of the chair in order to keep himself standing. "If you can hack into the hospital CCTV, see what number cab she got into we should be able to find out where it dropped her off. Can you do that?"

"Well," Connor stretched the word out to far more syllables then it should have. "Yes and no."

"Exactly how is that possible, Connor?" Becker asked trying and failing to clamp down on his impatience.

"Yes, in that it should be possible, no in that it would be breaking about ten different laws," Connor seemed to shrink away from Becker as much as possible almost as though he expected a blow to follow his statement.

"Jess hacks into security feeds and private systems about three times a day and I've heard no complaints," Becker snapped.

"Well, see we've got government permission to do so when a great number of lives are at stake…" Connor trailed off at the look on Becker's face.

"For all we know, Jess's life _could_ be at stake," Becker stated with as little emotion as possible. "And if you don't do this for me, your life will be at stake, so that's at least two. Is that enough?"

All the color had drained out of Connor's face. "Yep, that should about do it."

He spun around and began typing and pulling up windows that meant nothing to Becker.

"You know I want to find her too, right?" Connor finally offered without pausing in his typing.

"Yeah," Becker felt a wave of guilt for his treatment of Connor and patted him on the back a few times in what he hoped as a friendly way. "I know."

Matt had pushed over a chair for Becker who sank into it gratefully only to have Connor exclaim gleefully, "Gotcha!"

Becker forced himself to his feet again, every part of him groaning in protest.

"And there he goes again," Lester muttered, but he too was crowding around the ADD with the rest of the team at this point.

Connor was rattling off an address that meant nothing to Becker but he had memorized it as soon as he heard it. He was already limping off towards the garage before the rest of the team had time to process what Connor said.

"Where do you think you're going?" Lester called after him.

"To check on Jess," Becker answered without slowing down.

"No, you're not. You're going to stop right there and…no apparently you're not. Does nobody listen to me anymore?" Lester seemed resigned to his ineffectual orders at this point. "Matt, go with him."

"Of course, sir," Matt replied cheekily as he jogged backwards a few steps before spinning to follow Becker out of the room. "Whatever you say, sir."

The room fell into an odd silence with only Lester, Connor, and Abby left to worry about Jess and wonder what exactly had just happened.

"I liked it better when it was just me and the mammoth," Lester finally said before retreating to the relative sanity of his office.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Matt had insisted on driving and as much as Becker hated to admit it that had probably been for the best. He was feeling the pins and needles all over now even when sitting still and the headache that had been merely excruciating when he woke up was now steadily moving up towards unbearable.

"I'm sure she's fine, Becker," Matt offered, glancing over in his direction. "She took a taxi to this address of her own free will; it's probably a friend's place."

"Probably," Becker agreed, rubbing at his temples in an effort to relieve the tension there. "Doesn't matter, we have to check."

"You've got it bad," Matt chuckled, shaking his head in mirth. "So when are you two going to get married and start making little Beckers?"

"Shut up," Becker grunted, not exactly impressed with his own eloquence.

"Seriously though, mate," Matt continued. "A girl risks her life to disable a bomb for you and you don't even take her out to dinner?"

"Work place fraternizations are distractions and any distraction in our line of work could be deadly," Becker forced out, the argument the same one he used on himself every time he was tempted to call Jess after hours.

Matt was silent for a moment.

"Trust me, Becker, I was afraid of distractions too and it didn't make one bit of difference," Matt finally told him a distinct sadness in his voice. "Tell me something. Do you honestly believe that being in a relationship could have made you any more concerned about Jess's safety than you already were? Don't let fear stop you from living your life; otherwise what are we fighting for?"

Becker thought Matt was probably trying a little too hard with the stirring speech but that didn't stop it from hitting him extremely hard. He was right. There was nothing that could have made Becker more distracted, concerned or determined to disobey orders than the way he already felt about Jess.

He was saved from having to answer when Matt announced that they had arrived. Becker did a quick visual sweep of their surroundings and saw that they were in an upscale neighborhood with homes he had no doubt he would never be able to afford lining both sides of the street.

They both exited the SUV, Matt a little more quickly than Becker.

"This is it," Matt said nodding towards the impressive home in front of them.

They made their way to the front door and it was only now that Becker began to feel anxiety swirling throughout his body. Standing in front of this beautiful house it seemed unlikely that Jess would be in danger within its walls. What if she resented the fact that he had come barging in where he wasn't invited? Becker shook his head to clear it, as though he could physically remove the thoughts plaguing him. It didn't matter really how she felt about it at this point. He _knew_ that he needed to see that she was ok.

Matt was already ringing the doorbell so there wasn't time to rethink his brilliant plan anyway. It took three rings but finally the door did swing slowly open to reveal Jess.

She looked as though she had seen a ghost as her wide eyes slid from Matt to Becker, but Becker couldn't be bothered with her reaction yet. First he was mentally checking her over for visible signs of injury or distress. She had changed at some point and was wearing soft workout pants and a baggy hooded jacket, despite the fact that he had never seen her dressed so casually he did note that her choice in colors was as bright as ever. Her hair was down and tangled, her makeup smeared and her eyes red from crying but she appeared whole and uninjured. Becker had never seen her look so beautiful.

That was all the time Becker had for processing his thoughts before Jess was leaping at him in a blur of color and movement. Before he could register her actions Jess had her arms wrapped around him and her face buried in his neck.

Becker's first thought was that her actions were excruciating, every point of contact between them set off a burning sensation that raced through his nerves like liquid fire. His second thought was that he didn't give a damn.

Regaining as much of his balance as possible, Becker wrapped an arm tightly around Jess's back pressing her more tightly against him. She was doing something with her fingers and the hairs at the nape of his neck that he thought he might really enjoy under less battered circumstances and he realized he was rubbing gentle circles on the skin of her back where her jacket had ridden up.

Matt coughed quietly and Jess drew back as if she'd been burned, one hand coming up immediately to pat at her wild hair and wipe at the smudged make-up on her face. Becker wanted desperately to tell her that she didn't need to worry, that she looked amazing but was stopped both by Matt's presence and his own ingrained habit of _not_ telling Jess exactly that type of thing.

"I thought," Jess paused to take a deep, shuddering breath. "I thought you were dead."

Becker reeled from that statement as though he had been punched.

"Why would you think that? Didn't Abby call you when I woke up?" Becker asked.

Jess blushed and ducked her gaze before looking back up.

"I didn't answer. I heard her say 'he's a goner, he doesn't have a chance' and "I'll only call her if the worst happens' and I just couldn't handle it," Jess crossed her arms and visibly tried to still the trembling of her lips. She was always so concerned with looking strong and capable and Becker wanted so badly to tell her she didn't always have to be.

"I think I can shed some light on that," Matt interceded smoothly. "She was talking about Connor if he didn't show up soon. And she wasn't serious about not calling you, we were just worried about you. You looked dead on your feet."

"And a good deal worse now, I reckon," Jess muttered. "How did you find me? No, wait I don't think I want to know."

"The better question is, why are you living in a flat with two roommates if you have access to a swank place like this?" Matt asked jovially obviously attempting to lighten the mood.

"It's not mine, well it is, but it's…it was my mother's place. She died a couple of years ago and it seemed to strange to be here on my own so I got my flat. Today I just wanted…" She trailed off before struggling to find the words that would convey the comfort she had needed. "To go home."

Matt seemed to sober at that but he recovered quickly.

"Right, well the good news is Becker's alright, so alright in fact that he mounted a rescue operation only to find out that you're fine too. I think this calls for a celebration."

"Come in, please, I'll order in something to eat," Jess offered, swinging the door open a bit further.

Becker and Jess had already advanced a few steps into the entryway when Matt called back to them.

"You two go ahead, I'm knackered. Just call the ARC if you need a ride Becker, I'm sure Lester would send a car for you later tonight…or you know, tomorrow morning." Matt looked positively gleeful with his own joke and Becker was torn between wanting to knock the smirk off his face and relief to know the man did experience emotions.

Becker hesitated for a moment, looking down at Jess with a tenderness he hoped wasn't as evident on his face as it was in his mind.

"If you don't want me to stay it's fine, it's been a long day we can talk tomorrow…"

Jess shook her head, before ducking her gaze and reaching tentatively for his hand.

"Chinese ok?" She asked as though it were any other night.

He tried to contain the bubbling emotions that were coursing through him and keep his voice casual as he replied, "Prawn crackers?"

Jess graced him with a radiant smile that was without a doubt the most beautiful thing Becker had ever seen.

"Of course," She answered, leading him inside and shutting the door behind them.

Later he wouldn't remember much. It was all a blur of pain and relief and love pounding through his head. When he tried to remember details about that night it was like he was watching the whole thing on a grainy CCTV feed with only certain moments that he could bring into focus.

He could see Jess spreading the take out containers out on a fancy dining room table, feel the throbbing that never quite left his head, hear the first time Jess laughed since he woke up.

He wasn't sure later if he slept in a guest room that night because any contact was physically agonizing for him or because he was trying to be a gentleman and not take advantage of an emotionally charged day. But he was sure that waking up to find Jess waiting for him downstairs, hair a mess, robe haphazardly tied around her waist, humming some horrible pop song, was something he could quite happily get used to

And _that_ was what he choose to remember.


End file.
